Why Kinky Coaching?


INTRODUCTION

COACHING vs COUNSELING

TESTIMONIALS

 


I am committed to providing a safe place to share and explore for all gender identities, all sexual orientations, all relationship dynamics, and for individuals, with past, present, or future sex industry experience.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Introduction

For over 11 years I have been a professional fantasy fulfiller, tour guide, ambassador, educator, confidant, and guidance counselor for individuals and couples both beginning and deepening their adventures into the wonderful world of kink. While wearing the hat, and high heeled boots, of a Professional Dominatrix I work with my clients to clarify their needs and desires, through classic talk therapy as well as more hands-on activities. As unique as every client is there has been one constant commonality…

Far too many of us, for far too long, have kept the secret of how we like our sex, from our partners and from ourselves. Admittedly, often with just cause. Our society doesn't make it easy to talk about sex in general let alone more alternative practices like BDSM, fetish, and open relationships. Judgements from far afield, as well as close to home, can make even the bravest among us baulk at confessing, let alone requesting, something outside the basic color box.

As beautiful as the standard shades of love are…some of us crave a wider, and wilder, palette.

In both my professional and personal life it has been my great pleasure to have steered numerous trepidatious travelers toward the happy horizon of self-confidence with themselves and new levels of satisfaction from their romantic relationships.




INTRODUCTION

COACHING vs COUNSELING

TESTIMONIALS

Coaching vs Counseling

Coaching is about recognizing where you are now and focusing on moving you forward. Conventional counseling is more focused on figuring out why you are where you are now by focusing on the past. The primary goal of coaching is self-actualization, where as the primary goal for most counseling is self-knowledge. And while counseling is often done with a wide lens that focuses on all parts of a person's life, coaching tends to focuses on specific problem solving.

There is plenty of crossover to both modalities but when deciding which one might be the best fit for you, some additional differences are length of care, cost, and licensing. Coaching, while having some peer over-sight, does not require an advanced degree and state certification. This helps to keep costs low and also makes it a more common choice for individuals, like myself, whose credentials come from work done in their field of expertise and the self-guided study that made them a success at it. And given that coaching is more goal driven the number of sessions is usually fewer, often not requiring more than two or three meetings, with the door left open for occasional touch ups as needed.

Everyone has their own theraputic style. Mine is a mix of active listening and direct advice, light on the guiding to individual epiphanies heavier on empathetic, but honest, reporting of what I see and suggest. All served up with a great big side of positive reinforcement and general cheerleading. Which is a large part of why being a coach has been such a natural fit for me.

Another issue that I've heard from numerous clients is difficulty in finding a conventional therapist that won't pathologize their sexuality. As ideal as it would be if everyone in the healing arts was open, educated, and non-judgmental towards alternative sexuality, therapists are just people…and sometimes people have hang-ups and personal biases around sex. The study of sexuality as it relates to the individual, as well as interpersonal dynamics, has been both the inspiration for, and focus of, the majority of my adult life. As a very out and proud pervert, you will never be judged by me over what turns you on.




INTRODUCTION

COACHING vs COUNSELING

TESTIMONIALS

Testimonials

"Before Sunday, I did not think I was handsome. I did not think I was a catch. I let my insecurity trap me in a relationship that was not good for me before, something I should have felt was less than I deserved. I feel confident. I have something to offer. I am a good guy, I really am, and I shouldn't have to parse and cower and bend myself to be someones ideal partner when I am ideal for myself already. I always read about being who you are in a relationship, but I don't think I knew what it meant before. Never before have I met someone so wise. I have always considered myself smart and a bit worldly, but I had nothing on her. She understood people inside and out, and saw right through my intellectual bluster to see how truly young I really am. And she was protective. She talked at great length about the community I am now a part of, and of my worth in it. She talked of safety, both physical and emotional. She talked of communication. She talked of the¬¬ bravery it takes to find someone else to play with."

"After fourteen years of marriage I was struggling with accepting myself, overcoming the divorce, having sexual issue and finding/forming partnerships. Katherine was able to coach me in a professional but casual, safe, non judgmental environment on how to accept myself, value myself, overcome the divorce and to love my body again so I could enjoy sex again. On the relationship front she was a cheerleader who cheered me. Who helped me back on the path to dating. She was there through the bad times and the good times. To cheer me up and get me be back on track when it was bad. Giving me high fives during the good times. Katherine has a deep empathic understanding of humans, sexuality and relationships. If like me your struggling in any of them I would highly recommend Katherine to help coach you through them."

"I have seen you recently for a coaching session. I related some of the bad experience and struggles I was having finding suitable play partners. You past along some advice and I just wanted to let you know it has been extremely helpful. I now have two wonderful play partners who are helping me along the road of self-discovery. I hope you have a great holiday season and thanks again for your help."

"Our time together was delightful and I appreciate the thoughtful way you approached our session. You have opened new doors for me, and as I think you may have sensed, I shared more with you about aspects of myself than I have ever shared with anyone else. I left feeling refreshed and relaxed. I suppose this is my version of the perfect spa day."




INTRODUCTION

COACHING vs COUNSELING

TESTIMONIALS

About

I like to joke that I have a magic couch. I've seen it over and over again, no matter how shy or nervous a person is, when they sit on my couch all their secrets come pouring out. Its like the furniture equivalent of Sodium Pentothal.

Ikea is pretty awesome...but not that awesome. What is more likely to blame is the potent combination of an empathetic and experienced listener paired with a person experiencing what I like to call emotional constipation. Not the most pleasant metaphor, but I think it aptly describes the uncomfortable blockage that many people have adapted to survive in a society that is still struggling to accept us for who we are. So is it any surprise that many of us are still struggling to accept ourselves?

Luckily I love to talk about this stuff, always have. Not surprisingly, I commonly found myself in the role of confidant growing up. And despite being a late bloomer myself, by college I was voted most likely to own a vibrator and I kept getting cast in school plays as the femme fatale…or as the mother. I was already exploring non-monogamy, or as I called it at the time, sexual adventuring, and I was getting better at coming out as bi-sexual (I identify as omnisexual now, like omnivore, I'll sex anyone). From the get go I found that the more open I was about my sexuality, the more people felt comfortable talking with me about their own.

My fascination with why people do what they do, all the hidden motivations and stories we tell ourselves, led me to focus my collegiate energies on acting, pursuing a degree in Theater. Being trained as an actor is first and foremost about empathy. You're job is to figuratively (and occasionally literally, depending on the costume budget) put yourself in someone else's shoes.The added bonus to this field of study is that theater people are by and large a socially (and sexually) accepting group who are and often open to the point of transparency. The perfect environment to foster a budding alternative sexuality as well as work on my early counseling skills.

Shortly after graduation I started to actively explore kink. And by actively, I mean consciously. Like a lot of us who came of age before the internet, I was doing it before I knew I was doing it. Hindsight is 20/20 and it's fairly clear, even looking back at some of my behavior as a child, that I was pre-destined to be the perfect pervert (or paraphilia to be technical) that I am now. This new conscious exploration still began mostly with partners but eventually became more public. There was a good deal of cross over between the BDSM community and the goth/industrial scene where I did most of my socializing so I had that "in" early on. And I'm lucky to live in a part of the world with many active and accessible organizations and events for kinky people.

And then in 2003, after many years of proud, unapologetic perversion, I went pro and hung up my shingle as Mistress Katherine, Professional Dominatrix. The last 11 years have been an unparalleled view into all that is inspiring and disturbing within modern romantic relationships. Despite the celebration of all that is wonderful within alternative sexuality that happens in my playroom, it is the all too common dichotomy of what people want versus what they're getting in their relationships, the love and lust that is lacking, the hidden fantasies and the hopelessness, that has inspired me toward a slight separation of services. While getting into people's heads has always been, and will continue to be, an important part of my Pro Domme practice I've seen a need that is being under-addressed by conventional counseling.

No where in our lives are we free from sexual messaging. Its on our computers, in our movies and television shows, in books and magazines, plastered on billboards, the sides of buses…and thats just when its being used to sell us stuff. We live in a sexually saturated society but when it comes right down to it, two people trying to have sex, whether those two people are strangers or life long partners, we somehow don't know what to say to each other. Most of us, if we were lucky, got at least the barest bones(pun intended) of sexual education before we were pushed off the dock into the deep end of romantic relationships. And at a time when we were just barely starting to learn about our own bodies, let alone what we were supposed to do with others.

Is it any wonder that most of us who grew up before the age of the internet needed a little more time to figure out all of our sexuality. And if you did know, or at least suspect, that your taste ran towards more than vanilla, how the heck were you supposed to tell anyone? Ideally in a way that wouldn't make them run screaming for the hills…outing you to everyone you knew as they ran. Before the blessings of a simple search engine to identify our unusual sexual feelings, and suggest that there were others just like us, most of us stumbled around a bit. And even with all our modern technology…some of us are still stumbling.

And some of us, despite our self-knowledge, or lack there of, chose to partner with people who didn't, don't, or won't share our particular proclivities.

So whats a perv to do?

Well, I guess it depends on what you want. Do you want to find a partner who shares your interests? Would you like to find a way to get your current partner to explore more of your sexuality? Maybe you're not at either of those places yet and you just need someone you can talk to about all this?

Are you ready for things to change?

Because while I can't promise that you will instantly find the perfect pervy person of your dreams or that your current partner will suddenly turn into the playmate you've always wanted them to be, I can promise that your world, and who you are in it, will change for the better.

And it won't be because of my magic couch, or even the things you confess while on it. It will be in the acknowledgement that you want, and are ready for, improvement. That you are ready to feel more confident in yourself as well as your sexuality. You're ready to stop feeling like there is something wrong with you for wanting and needing more from your relationships. And you are ready to set and follow a clear plan of action towards living the kind of life you want to live.

And you've already started...just by visiting this site.

Services

L'amour - Honest relationship advice.

Ever broken up with someone only to have your friends tell you, after the fact, that they never liked them and thought you should have broken up sooner? It is an unfortunate social reality that sometimes those who know us best are most fearful of giving their honest opinions on our choice of partners. People can have their own vested interest in seeing their pals stay together...or split up. Maybe they just want to avoid the awkward social situation of sitting across a table from someone they'd advised you to dump the night before. It can certainly leave a person wondering who to trust. In such circumstance an impartial third party is just the ticket for some much needed, no-holds-barred truth. With the added bonus that any venting you do need not come back to haunt you at the next group gathering.

Conquering Cupid - Online dating: Profiles, pictures, and positive reinforcement.

Whether you've never tried a personals websites before, or you're looking to get more responses from an existing profile, a little insider advice can make a huge difference. Being a veteran in this area I can tell you straight up what works and what doesn't and help you avoid the most common, as well as the more subtle, mistakes and missteps far too many folks make when looking for love(or lust) online. Let me help you create a profile that stands out from the rest and guide you through the sometimes challenging email etiquette to get more replies form the type people you want to meet.

Where's the Party? - Advice on accessing your local community.

Knowing where to go to find people to play with can be one of the greatest challenges for an individual looking to expand their social circle. Whether or not you live in a city with a plethora of well publicized outing options, knowing which ones are right for you, let alone what to expect when you get there, can be quite the intimidating task. As a frequent traveler in numerous sub cultures and scenes I offer individualized advice on where to go given your specific interests and situation, as well as suggestions on how to be a social success once you arrive.

To the Next Level - Help taking an existing relationship into new sexual territory.

Considering adding a little kink and/or power play into your partnership? Where as you may feel comfortable talking about conventional sexual stuff with friends, maybe you aren't ready for your pals to know about some of your new predilections. There are numerous self-help books out there with general suggestions for how to get your kink on...but why settle for one-size-fits-all when you can receive tailored advice. Personalized guidance can save you a lot of unnecessary awkwardness, injury, and grief. In addition to being educated regarding, and extremely experienced with, most BDSM and fetishes, I also provide a safe, discreet space, free from judgment, to ask your questions, voice your concerns, and discuss your interests.

Opening Up - Stepping outside of monogamy

Polyamory has been getting more and more attention from the media lately and may have left you wondering if its the right fit for you. Or perhaps you and your partner are entertaining the idea of a singular sexual experience like a threesome. But how to communicate your interest to others? And what about jealousy? What are the rules for these types of things? Where do you even find people for it? Again, while there are some great books on the topic, there is notable benefit to having an experienced guide to get you through the more challenging aspects of this type of expansion.

Expand your Skill set - Add to your mental, and physical, toy bag.

Already have a bit of BDSM experinece under your leather belt but looking to learn more? Get clear, unselfconscious tutorials and toy suggestions in a private one-on-one setting specifically focused on your interests. But if you think you'd prefer a more hands-on educational experience, just hop on over to my Professional Dominant website for a list of options.

Safe sounding board - Empathetic, nonjudgmental and discreet listening.

In a world heavily saturated by social media, sometimes we have things we want to talk about so in secret that even sharing it with our nearest and dearest feels too exposed. For over 11 years I have provided a safe place for people to share parts of themselves that they didn't feel comfortable sharing with anyone else in their lives. Again and again I have seen the catharsis and comfort that this can provide. To not just be heard, but to be understood. To be able to talk freely with someone who "gets it", to know that you are not alone, that your interests, your fantasies, are shared by many and that there is nothing wrong with them…or with you.

Scheduling

My office is centrally located in the eclectic Capitol Hill neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. My availability varies by week, but is ostensibly Monday through Sunday from 11am till 8pm. I recommend calling at least a few days in advance.

(206) 851-9182

Please specify when you call that you are interested in coaching as well as whether you would like a one or two hour appointment.

You are also welcome to send me an introduction email with some basic info about yourself and why you are interested in coaching, but this is not required. Please resist the urge to include the entirety of your back story, and all of your questions and concerns as I will likely ask you to repeat all of that information when you are here. As much as I love the written word and the easy communication of email…it far too often fails epically at inflection. Non-verbal communication is never so informative as when we talk about our sex lives.

Email Contact

While I can schedule with you by email, I can not hold offered appointment times while I wait for you to reply back, so calling is always best.

Rates

For individuals:

$80 for one hour
or
$150 for two hours

I recommend two hours for a first appointment so that we have plenty of time to get to know each other and get a solid start addressing your specific concerns. But scheduling a single hour is perfectly acceptable.

For Couples and Poly-cules:

$90 for one hour
or
$160 for two hours

I generally recommend longer sessions for couples. This helps to insure that everyone has a chance to be heard.

Email or phone follow ups:

I typically include one email follow-up, to touch base as well as pass along any links and recommendations that were brought up in session. I encourage clients who need more interaction to schedule another in-person coaching session. If this is not an option due to schedule/travel issues, I can do follow-up full sessions over the phone at the standard rates.

My preference will alwasys be for in-person coaching but I am willing to entertain the possibility of phone coaching on a case by case bases. If this is the only option for you and you are determined to work with me, please contact me by email initially. And as with all email contact, please resepect the value of my time and keep said message brief.