Why Kinky Coaching?

 

INTRODUCTION

COACHING vs COUNSELING

TESTIMONIALS


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Introduction

Far too many of us, for far too long, have kept the secret of how we like our sex, from our partners and from ourselves. Judgement from far afield, as well as close to home, can make even the bravest among us baulk at confessing, let alone requesting, something outside the most basic box of colors.

As beautiful as the standard shades of love are…some of us crave a wider, and wilder, palette.

For over 17 years I have been a professional fantasy fulfiller, tour guide, ambassador, educator, confidant, and guidance counselor for individuals and couples both beginning and deepening their adventures into the wonderful world of alternative sexuality. In my capacity as Professional Dominatrix and a Relationship Coach specializing in BDSM, Fetish, and non-monogamous relationships I work with my clients to clarify their needs, to understand their desires, to accept their identity, to safely engage in their interests, In both my professional and personal life it has been my great pleasure to have steered hundreds of trepidatious travelers toward the happy horizon of greater self-confidence with themselves and new levels of satisfaction with their romantic relationships.

 
 

INTRODUCTION

COACHING vs COUNSELING

TESTIMONIALS

Coaching vs Counseling

Coaching is about recognizing where you are now and focusing on moving you forward. Conventional counseling is more focused on figuring out why you are where you are now by focusing on the past. The primary goal of coaching is self-actualization, where as the primary goal for most counseling is self-knowledge. And while counseling is often done with a wide lens that focuses on all parts of a person's life, coaching tends to focuses on specific problem solving.

There is plenty of crossover to both modalities but when deciding which one might be the best fit for you, some additional differences are length of care, cost, and licensing. Coaching, while having some peer over-sight, does not require an advanced degree and state certification. This helps to keep costs low and also makes it a more common choice for individuals, like myself, whose credentials come from work done in their field of expertise and the self-guided study that made them a success at it. And given that coaching is more goal driven, the number of sessions is usually fewer, often not requiring more than two or three meetings, with the door left open for occasional touch ups as needed.

Everyone has their own theraputic style. Mine is a mix of active listening and direct advice, light on the guiding to individual epiphanies heavier on empathetic, but honest, reporting of what I see and suggest. All served up with a great big side of positive reinforcement and general cheerleading. Which is a large part of why being a coach has been such a natural fit for me.

Another issue that I've heard from numerous clients is difficulty in finding a conventional therapist that won't pathologize their sexuality. As ideal as it would be if everyone in the healing arts was open, educated, and non-judgmental towards alternative sexuality, therapists are just people, and sometimes people have hang-ups and personal biases around sex. The study of sexuality as it relates to the individual, as well as interpersonal dynamics, has been both the inspiration for, and focus of, the majority of my adult life. As a very out and proud pervert, you will never be judged by me over what turns you on.

 
 

INTRODUCTION

COACHING vs COUNSELING

TESTIMONIALS

Testimonials

"Before Sunday, I did not think I was handsome. I did not think I was a catch. I let my insecurity trap me in a relationship that was not good for me before, something I should have felt was less than I deserved. I feel confident. I have something to offer. I am a good guy, I really am, and I shouldn't have to parse and cower and bend myself to be someones ideal partner when I am ideal for myself already. I always read about being who you are in a relationship, but I don't think I knew what it meant before. Never before have I met someone so wise. I have always considered myself smart and a bit worldly, but I had nothing on her. She understood people inside and out, and saw right through my intellectual bluster to see how truly young I really am. And she was protective. She talked at great length about the community I am now a part of, and of my worth in it. She talked of safety, both physical and emotional. She talked of communication. She talked of the¬¬ bravery it takes to find someone else to play with."

"After fourteen years of marriage I was struggling with accepting myself, overcoming the divorce, having sexual issue and finding/forming partnerships. Katherine was able to coach me in a professional but casual, safe, non judgmental environment on how to accept myself, value myself, overcome the divorce and to love my body again so I could enjoy sex again. On the relationship front she was a cheerleader who cheered me. Who helped me back on the path to dating. She was there through the bad times and the good times. To cheer me up and get me be back on track when it was bad. Giving me high fives during the good times. Katherine has a deep empathic understanding of humans, sexuality and relationships. If like me your struggling in any of them I would highly recommend Katherine to help coach you through them."

"I have seen you recently for a coaching session. I related some of the bad experience and struggles I was having finding suitable play partners. You past along some advice and I just wanted to let you know it has been extremely helpful. I now have two wonderful play partners who are helping me along the road of self-discovery. I hope you have a great holiday season and thanks again for your help."

"Our time together was delightful and I appreciate the thoughtful way you approached our session. You have opened new doors for me, and as I think you may have sensed, I shared more with you about aspects of myself than I have ever shared with anyone else. I left feeling refreshed and relaxed. I suppose this is my version of the perfect spa day."

 
 

INTRODUCTION

COACHING vs COUNSELING

TESTIMONIALS

About

I love to talk about sex. Pretty much always have. Not so surprisingly, I commonly found myself in the role of confidant growing up. And despite technically being a "late bloomer", by college I was voted most likely to own a vibrator and I kept getting cast in school plays as the femme fatal. When I wasn't getting cast as the mother. My fascination with why people do what they do, all the hidden motivations and stories we tell ourselves, at the time led me to focus my education on acting, pursuing a degree in Theater. Acting isn't just about knowing your lines, finding your light, and making sure the folks in the back row can hear you. It's about empathy. The job of an actor is to put yourself in someone else's shoes, because only then can you understand why they do what they do, say what they say. Not so dissimilar to a psych degree, just more costumes and choreography.

The added bonus to this field of study is that, in general, theater people are a very accepting, open minded demographic, and they provided the perfect environment to foster a budding alternative sexuality as well as expand my interpersonal insights.

In the mid 90's, shortly after graduation, I started to actively explore kink. And by actively, I mean consciously. Like a lot of us who came of age before the internet, I was doing it before I knew I was doing it. It's fairly clear, even looking back at some of my behavior as a child, that I was always destined to be the unapologetic paraphilia that I am now. This new conscious exploration started with partners but eventually became more public. The local BDSM community heavily intersected with the goth/industrial scene where I did most of my socializing, so I had that "in" early on. But eventually I started attending (and occasionally hosting) play parties and kink community events, both here in Seattle at places like the Center for Sex Positive Culture (affectionately known to locals as the The Wetspot) and also in Portland at Deacon X Fetish nights and similar events. 

In 2003, after many years of personal development and erotic explorations, I started sharing my unique sexual and social skill set as Mistress Katherine, Professional Dominatrix. While it was not necessarily my original intent, it became clear early on that most of my domination clients needed more than a spanking (not that there's anything wrong with that). The last 17 years have been an unparalleled view into all that is inspiring, and frustrating, within modern romantic relationships. The all too common conflict of what people want versus what they're getting in their relationships, the love and lust that is lacking, the hidden fantasies and the hopelessness that they might never be accepted. While getting into people's heads has always been, and will continue to be, a much loved part of my Pro Domme practice it has highlighted the issues and individuals being under-served by conventional counseling. It was this need that inspired me to eventually delineate my coaching services as a stand alone option, as opposed to the unexpected but always welcome gift with purchase that my domination clients already enjoyed.

Nowhere in our lives are we free from sexual messaging. Its on our computers, in our movies and television shows, in books and magazines, plastered on billboards, the sides of buses…and thats just when its being used to sell us stuff. We live in a sexually saturated society but when it comes right down to it, two people trying to have sex, whether those two people are strangers or life long partners, we somehow don't know what to say to each other. Most of us, if we were lucky, got at least the barest bones (pun intended) of sexual education before we were pushed off the dock into the deep end of adult relationships. And at a time when we were just barely starting to learn about our own bodies, let alone what we were supposed to do with others.

Is it any wonder that many of us who grew up before the age of the internet, and plenty who came after,  need a little additional help to figure out our sexuality. Despite the modern mixed blessing of a simple search engine to identify all our unusual sexual feelings most folks still stumble around for a bit. Some folks will struggle to find their footing for most of their lives. And even if you do know, or at least suspect, that your taste runs towards more than vanilla, how the heck are you supposed to tell anyone? Preference being a way that gets them intrigued and turned on instead of running for the hills or spilling all your secrets on social media.

Whats a perv to do?

Well, I guess it depends on what you want. Do you want to find a partner who shares your interests? Would you like to find a way to get your current partner to explore and/or accept your sexuality? Maybe you're not at either of those places yet and you just need someone you can talk to about all this. Maybe its time to be a better partner to yourself.

But the big question you need to ask yourself is, are you unhappy with the way things are now? 

Because while I can't promise that by working with me you will instantly find the perfect person of your dreams or that your current partner will suddenly turn into the playmate you've always wanted them to be, I can promise that your world, and who you are in it, will change for the better.

Services

Sex Positive Sex Education - Brushing up on the basics.

Not everyone had the privilege of medically accurate information about their sexuality when they were growing up. Even fewer of us received an education that covered all the bases and was free of bias, religious influence, all the institutionalized "isms" and phobias, and general judgement. There is no shame in admitting that there are things you don't know about your own body and sexuality let alone the bodies and sexualities of other people. But its never too late to get an education. I love helping folks understand their own amazing bodies and libidos better as well as helping them understand how things work for the people they'd like too share their bodies with. 

How to be sexy with social distancing - Advice on finding the fun in our new normal.

Believe it or not there are still so many ways to have erotic adventures without taking unnecessary health risks. The pandemic and the protections it requires has not stopped the party...its just shifted its location for the time being. Online orgies are a thing, virtual play parties too, not to mention all the workshops, erotic art shows, and burlesque performances. And people continue to have first dates, said social screening process simply involves more screen time. There's no reason to see current circumstance as a waiting room till life offline begins again. So whether you're looking for advice on how to connect with others virtually, you'd like suggestions for fun virtual events that match your interests, or need assistance prepping a personal ad or profile to be the most effective, let's get you upgraded and logged into your community. Adaption is a kink we should all be into right now.


How to be sexy solo - The perfect party for one

Now more than ever, you should invest in self love. I'm not talking self acceptance, as awesome a goal as that is, I'm talking about wanking. I'm talking about taking yourself in hand and devoting some quality time to what feels good. While some of us have been "having at", undeterred from an early age, many people have been scared away from healthy self exploration. Whether due to sex negative views propagated by a parent, an educator, a religious figure, or a romantic partner many people feel shame when touching themselves. And people don't tend to devote time and energy to improving a skill they feel guilty about. But I'm here to tell you sexing yourself is a source! In addition to all the immune boosting, sleep aiding, stress busting, hormone regulating goodness it is also a great way to check in with your bod, show your appreciation, and maybe ask it what it needs. Let me show you how world changing self love can be.

To the next level - Taking an existing relationship into new sexual territory

Considering adding a little kink and/or power play into your partnership? Where as you may feel comfortable talking about conventional sexual stuff with friends, maybe you aren't ready for your pals to know about some of your new predilections. There are numerous self-help books out there with general suggestions for how to get your kink on...but why settle for one-size-fits-all when you can receive tailored advice. Personalized guidance can save you a lot of unnecessary awkwardness, injury, and grief. In addition my decades of personal and professional experience with BDSM, I can provide a safe, discreet space, free from judgment, to ask your questions, voice your concerns, and discuss your interests.

Opening up - Stepping outside of monogamy

Polyamory has been getting more and more attention from the media lately and may have left you wondering if its the right fit for you. Or perhaps you and your partner are entertaining the idea of a singular sexual experience like a threesome. But how to communicate your interest to others? And what about jealousy? What are the rules for these types of things? Where do you even find people for it? Again, while there are some great books on the topic, there is notable benefit to having an experienced guide to get you through the more challenging aspects of this type of expansion.

Expand your skill set - Add to your mental, and physical, toy bag.

Already have a bit of BDSM experinece under your leather belt but looking to learn more? Get clear, unselfconscious tutorials and toy suggestions focused on your interests, scaled to your level of experience. If you think you'd prefer a more hands-on educational experience, just hop on over to my Professional Dominant website for a list of options.

Safe sounding board - Empathetic, nonjudgmental and discreet listening.

In a world heavily saturated by social media, sometimes we have things we want to talk about so in secret that even sharing it with our nearest and dearest feels too exposed. For over 17 years I have provided a safe place for people to share parts of themselves that they didn't feel comfortable sharing with anyone else in their lives. Again and again I have seen the catharsis and comfort that this can provide. To not just be heard, but to be understood. To be able to talk freely with someone who "gets it", to know that you are not alone, that your identity, your interests, your fantasies, are shared by many and that there is nothing wrong with them…or with you. 

I am committed to providing safe place to share, learn, and explore for all gender identities, all sexual orientations, monogamous and non-monogamous relationship structures as well as for past and present members of the sex industry.

Scheduling

While I am located in Seattle, Washington, geography need not be a limitation to our working together. Given the current state of the world I have moved my coaching business almost exclusively online. My preference for working with people these days is thru video conferencing (ZOOM, Skype or FaceTime) but I'm also happy to do phone coaching if that is more comfortable and/or accessible for you. My hours of availability are Monday through Sunday from 11am till 8pm, but I do not schedule with people same day, so please plan ahead.

Email Contact

Email is the best method of contact if we have not met yet or if it has been more than year since we last interacted. With your initial message please clarify that you are interested in coaching, when you would like to schedule your appointment, what length appointment you would prefer (recommendations below), and whether you would like our session to be by video or phone. Then please tell me a bit about whats going on with you right now and what you hope to achieve from our working together. Depending on your interests I may have you fill out an intake form prior to our first appointment so we can hit the ground running. If the nature of your enquiry seems more simply sorted this step might not be necessary. 

Rates:

For individuals: $120 per hour

I recommend two hours for a first appointment so that we have plenty of time to get to know each other and get a solid start addressing your specific concerns. Single hour appointments are usually all thats necessary after our initial appointment.

For couples and partnerships of more than two: $150 per hour

As with individuals, a longer initial session is usually a good idea. Couples/groups can continue to attend all sessions together or mix with individual sessions to work on specific issues or address sensitive topics.

Email or text follow ups: $50 per exchange

I will sometimes include a brief email follow-up post session, to pass along any links, recommendations, and/or homework reminders. I encourage clients who need more interaction to simply schedule another coaching session. But for folks who would like more check ins or follow ups by email, perhaps for ongoing homework assignments and/or additional oversight during new endeavors, this is an option on a case by case basis. The above amount figures a few quick messages back and forth or two longer messages read and responded to.

Group Coaching: $50 per person per hour for groups of 4 or more

This is mostly for small groups of friends who are looking for a fun, social way to expand their kinky skill set.  This could look like a focused workshop presentation on previously planned areas of interest or a more free-form, but always entertaining and informative, round of Twenty Questions with a Sexpert. 
 


I am committed to providing safe place to share, learn, and explore for all gender identities, all sexual orientations, monogamous and non-monogamous relationship structures as well as for past and present members of the sex industry.
 

Useful Links:


My Pro Domme site

FACEBOOK

TWITTER 

Part one of a charming podcast with Dr Dick

Part two of a charming podcast with Dr Dick